Funny thing a disco ball. How I love lights, shiny things, something spinning. All my distractions rolled into one package. Light refracting off the walls in what seemingly should be a chaotic mess. But the light knows where to go, how to spin, what to reflect.
My stomach is in knots. I notice something new about myself, something I had been lying about. Or maybe I just conveniently forgot. I know what’s right and I don’t want to wait for it. I’m lying to myself because others can’t enter the cavern in my chest, so I must go with their flow. I lie under the spinning broken mirror, wondering how I can steady my light with the ever-present dark shadows.
My head is spinning. Listening to my heart while my brain still screams for control is making a clamor of discord that isn’t conducive to being a meditative ethereal being in human form. No, it’s more like standing in the end zone while colossal bulging men in tattered uniforms barrel down the field right toward me. And I have the ball.
The silver glass keeps moving. The shapes on the wall come and go in perfect rhythm. Always ready, always shining, always luminous. I breathe in the knowledge that the light will keep coming back. I breathe out the screaming of my mind to get a life, you ninny! And I stay.
Funny thing a disco ball. Lights and mirrors creating a flowing sensation of the depths of the sea. Steadily flowing across an ocean of air. “Get up now”, I feel a whisper of something floating over me. I don’t believe I can rock a steady light, so I stay.
Get up now…still just a whisper.
So I stay.